Somehow an entire year has passed since my last birthday and now I’m 26. As I began to reflect on the past year and review the goals that I had made, I realized something. My habit of making a list of goals for my birth year, while aspirational, falls short. You see, in only reflecting on my year in terms of which goals I’d completed I’ve short changed myself. Starting this year I’m adding an annual list. One that celebrates all of the things I’ve discovered whether for the first time or anew. Hobbies, habits, self-realizations, sources of inspiration, travel destinations, etc. When I look at my year through this lens, with all of the pieces I’ve collected or thoughtfully let go of, wow what a list!
As I look down the path to the end of 25, I’m struck by the way I feel nothing has changed, because time moved too fast. Struck by how lost I felt this year for no apparent reason. By how when I play it all back in my head it’s shocking to see what I left in my wake, for better or worse. I think the most important thing is that I never stopped asking questions, looking deep within, allowing myself to change course and continuing to suss out what makes sense for this life. When I look back on 25 there’s beauty and struggle, there’s growth and overwhelming blessings.
I often feel uninspired but with this sensation of so much left to be desired. It most often happens when too many options overwhelm my senses, dulling my mind and body with inactivity. I find myself frozen unable to make a decision.
It’s blinding the fear we allow to cloud our lives. The fear that creeps its way into our core causing us to see only the could ofs, should ofs, and what ifs. Leaving us certain that regardless of the choice we make, it could have somehow turned out better had we chosen differently. It’s maddening the endless options that we drown ourselves in. It actually makes us unhappy to have more options. Yet we somehow believe it is a symbol of a better life, of the freedom we’re so blessed to have. So we go on pleased with our gift of options while overcome by the fear of making the wrong decision. What if we released ourselves from that fear? Listened to our guts (they have real power), our hearts and inner voices that always lead us down our truest path. By doing so we simplify our lives, making the honest choice, leading instead from a place of love and faith.
I have to remind myself of this nearly every day. On good days I succeed and reflect on the pleasantries of life. On bad days I find I’ve spent so much time looking at and researching my options that I’ve failed to make any decisions or do anything at all. On those days I reflect on all that I didn’t do with distaste. And what’s the point in that? Looking at the world around you through a lens of what is lacking leads nowhere positive. So here’s to more days of leaping with faith and doing! Letting go of painstakingly agonizing over my options and remaining stagnant. After all, you are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.
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